I'm a yogi. :|

I'm not trying to offend anybody when I say this, but I just never thought I would ever call myself a "yogi". I've been to a few yoga practices with a few different instructors and for some reason it was just too much for me. I felt like the instructors could see right through me. Like they were reading the aura that I didn't know I had. They were all so in touch with their bodies and with nature and just in tune with something that I didn't recognize and that was intimidating. Simply put, they were just all on some sort of spiritual, yogi plane above me, and I wasn't sure if I could bring myself up there or if i even wanted to. I felt weird. I felt uncomfortable. I felt out of place. Not to mention I knew for a fact that my extremely stiff, inflexible body wouldn't ever go into the shapes they were asking me to do. So I did what I thought was my only option: I gave up on yoga.

So how did I finally begin to embrace yoga in all its greatness and glory? I found Yoga with Adriene on Youtube. No jokes you guys, she is amazing. She acknowledges the sometimes awkwardness that can accompany yoga and she even makes fun of it. She's super mindful of what beginner yogis are probably doing with their bodies and tells you how to correct it. Plus, I won't have to be surrounded by the perfectly-toned, cirque du soleil, Lululemon ambassador hotties.

What I love most about yoga is that it makes me stretch while working out. Before I started yoga a few months ago I could put my hands just barely a couple of inches below my knees while trying to touch my toes. And if I did the ol' trick of spinning first and then plummeting down to touch them, I ended up being able to get them to my shins. My lower back was so tight and my shoulders had huge knots in them all the time. The back of my legs? Don't even get me started. I had a constant cold, numbness in the middle of my back on a daily basis that felt like a bruise when somebody touched it. And even a few times at work I would begin to tear up while typing away on my little machine because the pain in my shoulders was so bad. As much as I wanted to blame it on me feeling sorry for the victim of a car accident, it wasn't.

Anyways, I know some of you won't believe when I say this, but yoga really took away most of that pain. I'd say 98% is gone since I've started mid December. And although I'm not court reporting anymore, my back is still under duress from being a mom and lugging a 35 lb and 20 lb kid around all day. I can touch my toes easily! And the tightness in my shoulders is lessening every day. It felt so rewarding to feel the changes in my body. And even though changes are gradual, I'm definitely noticing them.

Yes, the stretching is great. But I was totally shocked when I came to find out for myself how intense a work out yoga can be! I literally couldn't walk the next day after my first vid. I'm not sure about other yoga practices, but in Yoga with Adriene you do a lot of planks. My whole body would shake after only 10 seconds while doing a plank on my knees. To say I was out of shape would be an understatement. But, again, it was so rewarding to feel myself getting stronger day after day. Let me give you just one example: I haven't really ever been able to do "man" pushups very well. Even during basketball season in high school I could maybe get off 2 before my form fell apart. That was in high school -- the most fit part of my life thus far. Well, almost being out of high school for 8 years now and not really ever working out since then, you won't be surprised when I tell you that doing 5 "girl" pushups was hard for me to do. Now I can do 3 "man" ones!!!! (I did extra exclamations because it still sounds so lame, ha.) I know, it's not a lot, but it's an improvement for me.

That's what I love about yoga: it's all about self-improvement.

You guys really need to go check her channel out -- especially if you suffer from back/neck/shoulder pain. I started off by doing the 30 Day yoga Challenge. It was perfect for me because I really resonate with numbers and get more determined to work out if it's set up that way. Not sure why. I just do. Now I'm onto her Yoga for weight loss section and just do those throughout the week, 5 or 6 times a week. Not only am I feeling great, my outside is starting to look like what I feel on the inside. My skin is better because I drink more water. My muscles are becoming more toned. My stomach is getting tighter -- although many people wouldn't be able to tell those changes because they really aren't that drastic.

Other workouts I've done at home in the past have lasted 3 weeks at the most. I've been doing yoga at least 5 times a week since the middle of December (that's just over 4 months now!) I wake up before the kids do so I don't have to cut into our day together, or I'll happen to get them both napping at the same time and then do it. Very few times I have had to workout while they were awake. And there's just something about working out early in the morning that totally changes my whole day.

For once in my life a workout is actually becoming a part of my daily routine! Yes, it's because I love my work out, but even more so it's because of the motivation behind the workout. No matter what you do, don't get in shape only for the outward appearance. Let me repeat that: no matter what, do NOT let your outward appearance be your motivation for getting you in shape. That's just a great bonus ;) Do it for how you feel emotionally, spiritually, mental, whatever. If your motivation is just to get in shape so you can look good in a bathing suit when the summer comes, I would like to see what happens to your routine once the summer is over.  Seriously. That's been my motivation before and it never lasts.

I'm becoming healthier for my kids, for Mark. I want to be able to keep up to my crazy teenagers when Mark leads our family out on intense hikes or a campout for the long weekend. I also want to be able to be as healthy as I can be so I can be more present in our every day moments together. I won't have to be constantly thinking about the numbness in my back or the headache that I just can't shake.

I feel like when you begin to focus on your body and you begin treating it well, it treats you well back. You are happier, more content, more empowered to overcome stresses of everyday life. Soon-- like within a couple of days soon-- you'll begin to notice that your desire to eat healthier increases (i've never grocery shopped healthier in my whole life) You'll also begin to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. I even shower more, which everybody who really knows me is happier about, I'm sure.

But let's be honest, the real reason I workout at home is this:

Namaste. :)

Lesson #1: What you have is enough

While living out in the boonies (aka Beazer) this past year I have come to more realizations about myself and about life in general than I think I probably have in my whole entire life. I don't know if it's because I'm closer to nature or if it's because I've never had more time alone with myself, or if it's because it's so darn peaceful. Or maybe it's simply because I'm now a mother to two lovable kids and that in itself has allowed me to grow and mature. Or maybe it's a combination. Whatever it is, I feel as though I've been stretched and twisted around more than ever and it has been so unbelievably uncomfortable and painful at times, but I have really grown to appreciate the process and how it all works.

Anyways, one of my favourite life lessons I received came while staring at myself in the mirror one day. You are probably thinking I was being vain. Well, you're very wrong. I was looking over myself and examining everything that I thought was wrong with my body. My pores were too big. My one eye is smaller than the other. In fact, the closer I looked, the more I realized how crooked my whole fact was. My smile was crooked. My one ear pokes out. My eyebrows are too bushy. My long hair is always frizzy. My hands are stubby. That dang mustache is getting out of control (thank goodness for waxing!) My weight gain during pregnancy is wayyy above average. And I'm still a victim of adult acne! Gah!

But what had sparked this flood of negative thoughts, you might ask? Why, Instagram, of course! What else would leave you feeling totally incomplete, less than par, incompetent, and just simply not good enough other than our wonderful social media? Don't get me wrong, I do love looking at everybody's photos and all the wonderful things you are all doing with their lives, but boy, sometimes it's hard to not let it affect the way I feel about myself -- especially when I start browsing around to blogs of flawless women and mothers I don't even know! That's when I hit my all-time low, so to speak, and I start thinking horrible, ungrateful thoughts.

Soon I began to go below the surface with questions such as, How are all these young couples able to go on vacations and get gorgeously tanned and experience so many things? How do people always know what to say at the right moment, meanwhile I feel so awkward and tactless? How come I can't keep my cool like other mothers can? The dishes are spilling over the edge of the sink, I never straighten up my house unless the visiting teachers are coming, and I never find the time to scratch anything off of my 'to do' list ... Needless to say, my sensitive self had spiraled down into an black hole and the tears were unleashed in full force.

So I decided to do something that isn't a talent of mine: I prayed to Heavenly Father as though I was talking to Him face to face. I tried to use respectful terms while speaking, but it just wasn't working for me at that particular moment in time, so I simply told Him everything that I had just told you. I told Him I felt useless; that other people had the talents that I would've rather had. I told Him how rundown I was. I told him that I was losing patience with everyone around me, including myself. I told him how so many others seem to have so many things I wanted and couldn't have at that moment and how that bothered me.

While praying a flood of things I had been (for lack of a better word) complaining about flashed across my mind. This went on for quite awhile starting with the most superficial of things to the deepest, most personal. As the list went on, I felt a shift taking place: through God's grace (aka enabling power/love) I was able to look at everything I had been so negative about with a different perspective. Sure, my hands were short and stout, but they allowed me to embrace my wonderful little family each day. Yes, I was gaining weight faster than most people who were pregnant, but I began to just feel gratitude that I get the privilege of being a mother in this life. I began to see with new eyes all the things that God has actually given to me. And as His love totally filled my whole entire being, I felt these exact words come into my mind:

Yes, it is true that you haven't been given the best of everything. But I have given you what I have given you, and what you have is enough. 

I pondered on that for a little while after, and I still ponder on it today. No, I don't have the best of everything or the grandest or the most perfect life. But what I do have, it is enough -- enough to fill my life with complete and total joy if I allow it to.

^^ A shot of my little house in Beazer.

Two is Better Than One

So here is the follow-up post to Benton's Birth story about how I adjusted to having two children. (I still can't believe I'm a mom, let alone a mother of two!!) Anyways, the two things that I noticed were affected the most were 1) my emotions. (no surprise there) and 2) how to balance and divvy up my time. Let me just be frank: it was hard. Let me be frank again: it was surprisingly easy! Confusing, right? Ya, I know, I was just as confused as you. So what was so hard and what was so easy about it? Well, I'll start off by diving into the shallow end with the easy part first.

Before Ben came along I honestly couldn't remember how to raise a newborn. I didn't remember how to nurse (or if I even wanted to again because it sort of weirded me out for some reason) I didn't remember how to read babies' cues of whether they were hungry, whether they were gassy, whether they just needed a diaper change, or whether they were just plain old tired. I couldn't remember how I had enough energy to make it through each day after being up all throughout the night. Honestly, I just didn't remember a lot of things. And for all of you moms who are about to have your second baby, the good news is it that it really does all come back! "It would just be like riding a bike" is the expression I would hear over and over again. And it was! Obviously I had to tweak a few things here and there because no two babies are exactly alike, but you'll be surprised how quickly you pick up on your new babies cues. I'm also nursing again and the weirdness is totally gone. And my inner superwoman is making it through the days despite lack of sleep. Funny how it all works out! (and it's amazing how strong we moms really are!)

That was the easy part. What was hard for me was the adjustment with Laikyn, just like I knew it would be. Yes, everybody was right, your love totally multiplies and it's amazing how you can feel love for both of your children! But the time ... oh man, the time! It was so hard/and is still hard having to figure out how to show your love and letting them feel that love towards both of your children during the day. I'm so grateful for how independent Laiky is in the fact that she'll go play by herself and be totally content for a while. I'm also grateful about how much she loves Ben! (She loves him a little too much sometimes, if ya know what I mean.) But I can't focus on her like I used to be able to and I've had to become wayyy more strict with her since Ben has come around. That's been hard on me, having to discipline her more often now. A new sibling definitely makes the older one grow up faster. They have to. It's just the way it is. And I feel guilty about that. I also feel guilty that I can't play with her like I used to.

Obviously Ben is a newborn, and I can't do much about that. He needs a lot of attention and I love giving it! But because of all the attention Ben gets, Laikyn will start acting out throughout the day. I've been learning how to incorporate her into everything we do to make her feel a little more part of the action. I ask her to get the diapers for me, and she loves it! She also grabs his soother and his blanket and gives that to him constantly throughout the day without even being asked. She'll grab the wipes for me as well and she'll even take the dirty diapers to the garbage. Not only does she love it, but my lazy self loves it even more! haha.The other thing I try to do is to nurse Ben in her play room or around wherever she is at that particular moment in time. Even though I can't play with her as much anymore, if I can still be engaged with her while she plays alone she's wayyy happier throughout the day. I also make her go bring me books for us to read while nursing as well. Or we'll watch a show together (but I find watching shows together is the least effective in lightening her mood, but you gotta do what you gotta do) And then the other thing I do is try to get some good quality time with her while Ben sleeps. (yes, if you're wondering, the house is a disaster. There's really not much time for it these days. But it's all about good, better, best and for this season of my life a clean house isn't taking priority at the moment)

The other reason I can't play with her like I used to is because my body won't let me. You know how it is after pushing out a baby ;) Before having Benny Boy I used to run my little toosh all day long around this tiny 500 square-foot house! And Laikyn was always leading the way. After Ben came along she would want me to get up and dance around like we used to, but I just physically couldn't. And anytime I can't dance when I want to I'm sad about it, let alone when it's my own little daughter asking me to!

It really is such a big adjustment. Some things that I want to say I just can't quite adequately put into words. You'll just have to experience it for yourself. But what I can tell you is that at the end of the day, things really are better with two! Watching Laikyn love her little brother is so darling and when he smiles back at her I seriously melt all over the floor. My love for them is out of this world and I know it's only going to get more and more fun with two, just like it did with one!
Looking back on these past 8 weeks, if I could give one piece of advice to myself it would probably be this: Take things in stride and have patience. Laugh off the little things. You don't always have to have it together all the time (or even half of the time if you're like me!) That is one-thousand percent okay! You will have days that are hard and where it feels more like work than enjoyment, and that's okay too! Don't get discouraged if you feel discouraged. It makes the sweet moments that much more meaningful. And when those moments arise where you think you could literally rip every strand of hair right out of your head, you will still feel an underlying sense of peace that you are doing the noblest of callings in the whole world -- you are being a mom.

happy 8 weeks today, Ben!

^^ps. I don't know how photographers
snap sibling pics with newborns.
They are so talented! Right after this
shot she tried to lift him up. haha
Good thing newborns aren't fragile....

pps. anybody have any other tips about how to raise 2 kids??
The struggle is real sometimes.
Leave me a comment on what's been working for you.
I'd love to hear it!

Benton's Birth

Holy smokes! I don't even remember how to blog anymore because it's been so long. Seriously. That was a long hiatus. (can anybody give me a refresher on how to do this please?) But anywho, I now have a family of 4!! The addition of Benton has been overwhelmingly amazing in so many ways, so I'd thought it would be a good place to break the super thick ice I've created for myself and get this blog up and running again. So let's get to it, shall we?

My doctor was nervous for me to be so far away from a hospital, considering I delivered Laikyn so quickly. She also took into account that one of my sisters had her baby in the car ... and another had her baby on the floor ... in her hallway... So ya, they said it would be best to induce me again. At first they offered to induce me a week early, but as tempting as it was, it just didn't feel right. Instead Mark and I selfishly chose October the 9th because it fit our schedule the best, and so the 9th it was! But let me back up to the 8th for a minute ... actually, let me back up even further than that.

Throughout the last few weeks of me being pregnant I started to get super nervous and to be honest, I was a little sad. Okay, I was a lot sad. I'm sure you are wondering why. Of course pregnancy hormones played a role. (I'd like to think they played a major role, but I sort of doubt it.) I also wasn't sleeping very well at nights because little Ben decided that he would rather sleep in my boney rib cage than my great and spacious stomach. I'm sure that was comfy. I know it was for me ... So the point I'm trying to get at is lack of sleep was definitely taking it's toll on me. But, to be honest, I was just really sad and scared for Laikyn and I. We had become best friends. I know it sounds weird to be best friends with a 2-year-old, but when you spend all day with them, it's kind of inevitable. And I loved every minute of it! I'm sure all you moms out there can relate.

Thinking of adding another child to the mix sort of broke my heart. (I know, how mean am I?) But Laikes and I spent so much time together doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Life was so easy for us, and I knew that would change as soon as the new babe was born. And it did. Whenever I would talk to mom's of two they would always reassure me that it just worked out and that you love them both the same. I heard the classic line, "Your love only multiplies; it doesn't divide." And I knew they weren't lying, I just wasn't sure if it would be the same for me. But I'm running off on a tangent. (If you're interested I'll give you the exact details in a different post later of what I thought about each child after Ben was born because maybe it will help other moms out there in their transition from 1 to 2.)

So let's get back on track. The night before Ben was born Mark and I drove into Lethbridge to sleep over because when you get induced you need to check in early and we didn't want to make the long drive in the morning. (thanks Rob and Air!) And since we couldn't have Laiky with us all day, we had to drop her off at her Gma and Gpa Olsens' house for her to sleep over the night before, which was really nice of them too. But dropping her off/leaving her that night was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time. I'm pretty sure I cried harder that night than she has ever even cried in her whole entire life! No joke -- I literally sobbed my eyes out. It just seemed so symbolic of what was to come: I was leaving her behind. Slightly dramatic, I know. But it's what I thought.

Trying to sleep that night was brutal, only because my anxiety levels were higher than a kid trying to sleep on Christmas Eve. When you know what your body is about to go through, you get a little scared. But because I was excited to meet my little guy, I checked in at the hospital that morning anyway despite my contemplation of not showing up at all. So when I got there my doctor checked me and said I was already at a 4 and because of that she decided to break my water instead of giving me the gel to see if I could go naturally after that. So she brought out the good ol' crochet hook, we heard the pop (I felt the pop), and we waited and ... nothing ... no water came out. And then when you hear the doctor say "Oh, that's weird," you sort of start to panic inside a little bit. (with Laikyn I had HUGE amounts of water and so this was out of the ordinary for me.) You could tell my nurse was a little worried about it, but she stayed positive and just encouraged me to go walk around a while to see if I could get any of the fluid out myself. I guess the more water you get out, the more your body acknowledges that you're in labour?? It made sense to me, so I took her advice and began walking around. Once I had made the loop around the hospital a couple times I started to get bored so we decided to venture outside a little -- hospital gown and all. (thank goodness for nice weather in October!) People just chuckled as they saw me. Some ladies looked on with empathy while others looked on sort of mockingly. Like, are you serious? Do you realize you look ridiculous? ha. I didn't care. You lose all of your dignity while you're in labour (and it's a dang good thing too!)

Time was passing, water wasn't coming out, my contractions still weren't consistent, and my nerves were escalating. I had heard horrible things about 'the drip' and how it amplifies the pain by basically a thousand and obviously I didn't want that. I was also nervous that maybe my body wasn't quite ready yet for labour and since they already had broken my water I would now have to have a C-section. I didn't want that either. So I did what I always do when I can't think of a solution any way else and when I need some peace and comfort -- I asked Mark to give me a priesthood blessing.

It was hard finding the most respectful spot for such a sacred thing while being outside. We ended up finding one that seemed to work the best, and it was such a relief! But to do my part and aid the process along I started making Mark hold my hand to drag me along the path a little more swiftly. (No, I didn't have enough willpower to pick up the pace myself. And yes, I know that's a little pathetic.) We also did a few flights of stairs and believe it or not, I even went skipping down the sidewalk for a brief moment. I'm sure somebody got a kick outta that! ha. But all of it was working for us: the blessing, the stairs, the skipping, everything.

By about 11 30 my contractions were now consistently 5 minutes apart. They weren't so unbearable yet. By 12 o'clock they were down to 4 minutes. At around 12 30 they were down to 3. And between 12 30 and 1 they were about 2 minutes apart now and I was in a lot of pain. Like crippling pain. On the classic 'pain scale', I was about a 9, I'd say. Good thing the Jays game was on in the hallway to distract me a little #wethenorth #jumpedonthatbandwagon.  Anywho! When I went back to my room at 1 pm my doctor was there and they told me that I was at about 5-6 cm now.  (I thought from the pain I was in I was at least an 8! ugh.) But before I could get too discouraged about my slow progress, my mother (who had also just shown up at that point and had heard the news from the doc) said, Well, if she's anything like me, in the next half hour we're going to be meeting this baby!

Say whaaatt? Holy smokes! Only a half hour more? I wasn't ready for this! But she was right. Almost. Benton Mark Olsen was born at 1:37 pm, just a short 37 minutes later. The last half hour was something else. I don't even have the words to describe it other than to wonder why it's called 'natural birth' because it really doesn't seem all that natural to me ... but irregardless, the delivery went perfect! I didn't even tear and my baby was healthy. The doc and the nurse said I pushed him out with two pushes, even though I'm prettttty sure it was more. But really, what more could you want? The only hiccup along the way was a slight hemorrhage afterwards. They said it'll get worse with each child and so I'll probably need to have a blood transfusion next time. (thank goodness for blood donors and hospitals! go donate, people) Plus, my after pains were so excruciating that I couldn't even talk to the pediatrician when he came in (sorry Dr. Roberts). I'm not kidding, they felt as bad as labour. But in hindsight, who really cares? My baby boy was perfect and that's all that mattered.

Benton Mark Olsen. Born at 1:37. 7 lbs 8 oz. 20 inches long.

get to know me

I'm taking the easy way out of this serious brain-lapse in blogging and doing a survey. do you think you know me, eh? well, i'm sure you do! but maybe not as well as you would think, and if you keep reading you'll probably know more about me than you want to! happy december!

1. What was your favorite food when you were a child? Pickles. I used to even drink the pickle juice plain. A close second would definitely be raw hot dogs. 
2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Only You - Joshua Radin
3. What is one of your favorite quotes? “A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar"  (and yes, i did just look that up on google this very second. it's a good one, hey?)
4. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? taking pics of laiky indoors and outdoors. boom.
5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing? dishes
6. What is your favorite form of exercise? dancing!
7. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? 9 am/friday/july!
8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? skateboard?  
9. What is your favorite body part? my right knee. ha 
10. What sound do you love? rain pitter-pattering on the tent
11. If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? my childhood backyard
12. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? 22
13. If you knew the world was ending in 2014, what would you do differently? focused on what's most important
14. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? Meryl Streep
15. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? the men's olympic gold-medal hockey game in vancouver 2010
16. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? knit. Mark bought me a single needle two years ago for christmas and i still need to get another one. haha
17. If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? doing motherly duties (nacho libre?)
18. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? go to new zealand and bunji-jump, skydive, surf, snowboard, and visit LOTR all in one day.
19. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? I don't mind mine. 
20. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? a holocaust survivor
21. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? pee my pants
22. If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be?
23. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? haha this is a funny question. What is Mona Lisa actually smiling about?
24. If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Katniss.
25. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I always love a good bachelorette party
26. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? this has only happened once, but a foreign exchange student that came to magrath thought i looked exactly like Jennifer Aniston.
27. What do you want to be when you grow up? a mom. whoop whoop.
28. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? write in my journal
29. What would you name the autobiography of your life? Bethany's Autobiography
30. What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? Let Go - Imogen Heap and Fishin in the Dark - Emerson Drive Version
31. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? Yes, I have.
32. What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? efy dances. that counts, doesn't it?
33. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? all of these dang christmas commercials. 
34. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? we're close, but we're not that close.
35. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? tons of things
36. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? talking back to my mama
37. When was the last time you had an amazing meal? the last time somebody else made it. ha!
38. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? the best gifts are surprise gifts.
39. What do you miss most about being a kid? being care-free
40. What is your first memory of being really excited? every christmas
41. What was the first thing you bought with your own money? a chocolate bar? noooo clue.
42. When was the last time you were nervous? in mark's alumni game.
43. The best part of waking up is? morning cuddles with Laiky
44. What is something you learned in the last week? that I have tons to be grateful for.
45. What story does your family always tell about you? probably one of my blonde moments. they like to bring those up.
46. At what age did you become an adult? i don't think i'll ever quite reach that level of boredom maturity in this life
47. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate. uhhh, yes. .......
48. Where’s Waldo? I never can find him.
49. How now brown cow? yes.
50. Whasssssuuuupppppp? are these for real. i'm glad this is over. haha.

Since Becoming a Mom: to a Toddler

Because I loved writing the post about becoming a new mom, I decided to do another one, just toddler edition! It's always good to write down this stuff for memory's sake and also to realize how lucky I am that I get to be a mother to my own children.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler Laikyn and I have become further apart in some ways. We have also gotten a lot closer in many other ways.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I realized that 'no' actually means yes, and 'yes' means "YES!".

Since becoming a mom to a toddler the house is even messier than before. (I know, I didn't think it was possible either.)

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I found out that nothing -- I mean nothing in my house is childproof. Everything has to be placed 5 feet off the ground, cupboard doors put up a useless fight against a child's determination, and coins and keys are the best kind of candy out there.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I've had to be more conscientious about what I say and do. I have a little copy cat on my hands, and it keeps me in check.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I no longer need to set an alarm.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler, Mark and I have even less time to ourselves. The older Laikyn gets the more I realize how important it is to be a good wife, first, and a good mother, second.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I'm finding myself doing the most ridiculous things to get just a single laugh. The more embarrassing it is, the better the laugh. I'm glad we're at home alone ...

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I know now that babies can read the same story 100 times in a row and not get sick of it. I can read most of her stories word for word with my eyes closed.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I can now replicate the sound of any animal in the world better than anyone else in the world. (put me to the test if you don't believe me.)

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I know my baby still thinks I'm pretty cool, but there is nothing cooler than a cell phone. nothing. period. the end. done.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler bouncing on beds, rolling around on the floor, and playing hide and seek has become a daily ritual of ours.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler the scaring games have begun. Don't worry, I've never made her cry. She actually likes to be scared, which is perfect for me. :)

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I know now that the cure to any of Laikyn's problems is to go outside or to turn on some music.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I take advantage of the sleepy mornings. She cuddles and squeezes and kisses me non stop. and I love every single second of it.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I know that bibs are pointless and so are utensils. Even clothes are overrated at times.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler we eat burnt food for supper more than once a week, I forget the day of my appointment the second after I make it, and I have to wash my batch of laundry twice because it has totally slipped my mind that I even did laundry in the first place. My brain is slowly turning to mush. How do people have more than one child?

Since becoming a mom to a toddler there is nothing cuter than your kid playing alone with her toys, jabbering away the whole entire time. There is also nothing cuter than when dad gets home from school.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler my favourite time of day is when I get to pick Laiky up out of her crib and hear her yell "Mommmmm!"

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I realized that everything in the world is exciting and beautiful to her, and it's starting to rub off on me.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I sneak into Laikyn's room at night, pick her up, and hold her oh-so close. I stare at every little detail of her face, hoping that the longer I stare the more burned it will be in my mind forever.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I already wish I could go back and do a few things differently. I would tell myself to worry less about things that don't matter. I would tell myself to take every opportunity to sing and rock Laikyn to sleep whenever I could.( I didn't know that it would be so soon that she would be putting herself to sleep without me and wanting it that way.) I would turn the TV off more, shut down my computer, and put away my cell phone and focus solely on her. Time goes by too fast.

Since becoming a mom to a toddler I've never felt happier. You don't think your baby will get any more fun/cuter, and then they just do! It's awesome. Love you, Laikers.

Happy Birthday GHHD

As most of you know, my Grandma Dahl passed away this summer. It was so sad to see her in pain and in the hospital before she passed away on July 31, and although she was in the hospital for 2 weeks longer than she would've liked, those weeks have changed the way I look at life. It reminded me what the words 'family' and 'heritage' truly mean, and that my heritage is a rich one -- one to be proud of. I have a great legacy to follow and so many examples to look up to, and my GHHD was definitely at the top.

The Dahl clan is quite large, and as our family continues to grow in numbers our lives become more and more separated from one another. It is mainly due to the physical distance between us, but nowadays that distance isn't really so distant, if you know what I mean. What I'm getting at is we didn't really have much of an excuse not to stay connected with one another, and before my grandma's passing, I don't think we understood that we are to show we love to each other that we care, and not just assume they know.

While I was with my cousins and my aunts and my uncles almost every day for those 2 weeks, I could feel something deeper and stronger between us than I ever had before. And as creepy and as weird as it sounds, I could feel that we actually were from the same blood and bones, just like grandma would always tell me. It was something I hadn't really felt before. We were united because we were family, we are part of one another, despite our lack of communication or keeping in touch.

If anybody knows my Grandma Dahl at all, you'll know that she had a hard time throwing anything away. If an object had any sort of memory attached to it, she kept it. She was a hoarder of sorts and because of this, she had a TON of things to go through. Some of thee greatest treasures were found in her gigantic room, and my favourite had to be all of the old photos she had. I could've looked through them for hours on end -- and, in fact, I did! I would sneak up into her room by myself when nobody else was there. I saw photos of many of my ancestors who I didn't even know, and also many of my aunts and uncles and of course my gma and gpa. The love I had for my family grew even stronger. I was in awe at the plan of salvation and how it all worked, and so grateful as well! How lucky am I to know that we can be together as a family forever and that my grandma is going to be looking out for me?!

Now that my family is all doing their routines again, I'm finding it really easy to forget the things that I learned and forget how I felt or what things I wanted to work on. It's so easy to get caught up in your own little world (especially when yours is as dysfunctional as mine!) But I definitely can't forget how refreshing it was to be surrounded by people who just get it -- they get how our family is, what works for us and what doesn't. And I love how they just get me. They love me for who I am and I know they will be there to support me and be there whenever I needed them no matter what. I also felt closer to my dad, which felt nice. He actually ended up coming home from Afghanistan, but that's a post for different day.

So, like I did in my tribute to my mom, I want to say thanks. Thank you, Grandma, for all of your spunk and personality. You would light up the room wherever you went and could inspire even the most inspired minds with your wonderful words of wisdom. There isn't a lady on earth that knows more than you did about ev-er-y-thing. And when I say everything, I mean it -- whether it was the latest news in the world, in the church, or even in sports -- you knew it all! But my favourite thing about you was that you always knew exactly what was going on with every one of your children and all of your grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. (and as you know, there are a lot of us!)

Thank you for having us over once a week for 'Grandma Day' before you left on your 15-year-long mission.  Those are memories I will cherish forever  -- how you had us pull the rollers out of your hair, us kids swinging off your spiral staircase onto the mini trampoline, and how we raked your orange shag carpet just for fun, and also when we lost something in there. (It was sort of a black hole, you could say.) Your homemade grandma macaroni was the best, and of course we can't forget about your liver (or supposedly "chicken") soup either. You taught us how to not be lazy/spoiled (or whatever you want to call it) by never driving us back to school or picking us up, even on the coldest of days. If we ran 20 steps and walked 20 steps, we would be back to school in no time. And it worked!

Thank you for making me feel special on every birthday I ever had, and every other holiday marked on the calender, for that matter. You never missed one of them by sending your awesome Jacquie Lawson e-cards which I have come to love and cherish dearly. I'm so sorry that you had to remind me to open them up every now and again! But thanks for making me feel so loved. I never doubted it for one second. Your constant shower of positive reinforcement and compliments never ended, and you always thought the best of every one of your grandchildren. We knew you meant it when you told us how "beautifully brilliant" we were, and it would encourage us to become better because of it.

Thank you for rubbing off on me in more ways than anyone knows. Sometimes I am in awe at just how much I am truly like you. For starters, I can't be on time for something to save my life! Not to mention that I am always in search of something that is missing. Plus, I like to hang onto things because of the memories attached to them. Dare I say it, I'm becoming a hoarder. (please feel free to intervene at anytime). My regular vocab consists of phrases like "oh my word" "say it isn't so!" and "oh, the nerve!" and all of those definitely come from you! But I'm also like you because I like to test things out and figure them out on my own. I know that you did the same -- you questioned things and were constantly looking for answers until the very end. You didn't question because you were skeptical, but you questioned them to honestly seek out the truth, and I admire that about you. I'm also one stubborn lady at times, and will stomp my foot down on the floor just like you did. (although I can't forget about those Gregson genes, and so I may end up being even more stubborn than you. yikes...)

I'm so thankful that you had guardian angels constantly surrounding you. Driving with you brought some of the scariest moments into my life, and we definitely needed those angels every time we went somewhere! But that just shows how independent you are, and I know I get that from you 100%. I am also so thankful for the last time we went through the temple together. It was just you and I. I felt so privileged to be sitting next to someone who had such an appreciation for the temple and had so much knowledge. I was also so inspired and proud of you when you decided to walk up every flight of stairs that day, even though many people asked you if you wanted to use the elevator. Watching you struggle was so hard, and it brings me to tears every time I think of  your determination, but I was so proud of my strong-willed grandma and it will be a memory forever pressed into my mind. I had no idea that 2 short months later you would be on to greater things.

Thank you for holding my hand in the hospital and telling me you loved me every time I said it to you. I saw you the day you passed away. I visited you with Laikyn, and I'll be honest, I almost left because you looked so much different than you had before. But I'm so glad I stayed. What I told you that day was very dear to my heart. I felt so awkward talking to you because ... I don't know. It just felt weird for some reason. But thank you for listening to me anyways.

Grandma,you have left a great legacy of love and service behind you. You are a such wonderful lady, and never thought of yourself. You were constantly looking for ways to help others, and I know that you are as busy as ever doing that now. Like I told my cousins already: You are going to be the best guardian angel ever!

I love you dearly. Happy birthday!